Okay. For starters, as you read this awesomely amazing story, you have to imagine me telling you with a big goofy grin on my face...since that's how the "live" version tends to go!
I've sort of created a new mantra for myself...."You never achieve what you never try." Having this mindset really makes everything seem so much more exciting. Being free from fear to try new things is an amazing feeling!!
In that spirit, last Tuesday I decided to take a trip to NYC....and audition for the My Fair Lady national tour!! Now, this may not seem like a big deal to those who are old hats at auditioning for shows and the like, but for me, it was truly an adventure! And I LOVED it!
The day started dark and early at 4:15 am, before the birds and the sun. I was out the door by 4:45 and on the train by 5:20....in NYC a little after 6. Then the fun begins!
I went wearing my dress for the audition. I wasn't sure if you take your audition clothes with you and change (turns out, you can!) I've had problems in the past with the seams on this dress. It's very delicate and they separate easy...too easy in my opinion. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that two of the seams had separated about two thirds down the back of the dress!! It had gone through our new washer which I forgot is more than rough on the clothes. So I realize that I'm apparently at risk of flashing the commuting population of NYC.....
This adventure is really getting off to great start, isn't it??? Luckily, it gets infinitely better.
By a stroke of genius the night before, I had packed a change of clothes. So I walk....carefully...to a bathroom in Penn Station and change. Then, I went out towards 8th avenue and traipsed across the street to the drugstore and bought a sewing kit. Back into Penn Station to find a spot to chill out while I stitch up the dress. Now, you should know that I do not consider myself "Suzy homemaker" at all and I've no idea how to sew a button let alone two seams on the back of a beautiful dress. I got it so that the dress didn't come apart....and we'll leave it at that.
Back to the bathroom to change back into the dress. Try #2 to leave Penn Station was a success! I headed towards the studio on 54th....all the while looking for a place to hop on the internet and print my resume which I hadn't been able to get the night before. I know that there are at least two Staples within walking distance, and I head to one. Closed. Darn. Next Staples. Open. Yay! But, of course they don't have the capability to print from the internet. What to do...what to do........
In a moment of desperation, I went into a Hilton off of Broadway. I ask the woman at the desk if she knows where I can print.....she says, right upstairs!! Awesome!! I'm nearly giddy at this point. I paid $11 to spend 10 minutes on the internet and print one sheet of paper...ridiculous...but worth it!
So at this point, it is about 7:30. I've ridden into the city, sewed a dress, walked and searched, printed, and used the gorgeous Hilton bathroom......and now I'm ready to go to the studio!
At this point, I wasn't far from 54th. It took about 5 minutes or so to get to the studio. I knew exactly where it was...there were about 30-40 people lined up outside. Trying to hide my utter joy and excitement at even making it to the right place, I jumped in line. This was my fatal flaw. I didn't notice that there was a sign up sheet at the head of the line. Dun dun dun.
In my blissful ignorance, I stood outside for about an hour before we were let in the studio. I got a seat in the waiting room and then noticed that sign up sheet sitting on a table. By the time I got to it, I was #210...out of what would become almost 300.......... oh well. I'm still there!
The moderator comes in and says that they are honoring the list. The casting team will hear about 30-40 people per hour and if you are after #150, to come back after lunch. Free pass to walk around midtown? Okay!!!!!!
I went and changed into jeans (noticed that I'd have to restitch one of the seams of the dress a bit......) and headed out! I had the most wonderful time! I wandered around Times Square and Broadway, just exploring! It can be really fun to go somewhere like this by yourself because you can do whatever you want, when you want! I went to a cafe and had an omelet for breakfast, did the customary Starbucks run for Earl Gray (delicious!), and generally had a marvelous time. I sent pictures to my Mom and Dad of the sights...apparently I'd even forgotten to tell them that I was going. Surprise : )
After awhile, it started to rain a bit heavier (it had been spritzing a bit) so I saw a great spot inside a Micky D's and sat on a stool by the window and just read. It was wonderful!
I love people watching (no..not in the creepy I'm going to stalk you kind of way) It's amazing the kinds of things you can see. I was truly touched. Towards the corner of the street I was looking at, I saw a homeless man sitting and asking for money. I watched many people walk by and not give him a glance. I'm not saying that I would be any better, but it was such a different perspective. At one point, a man and woman came by and gave him a package. It looked like a food package. He thanked them and it was only after they had walked a distance away that he opened it. The smile on his face. It will be hard to forget.
After getting a grilled chicken sandwich for lunch, I meandered my way back to the studio. Once I got there, I took my time stitching the dress. I had done it so hastily earlier, I realized I hadn't properly knotted both ends and it was pulling apart. After about 2 hours of sewing, reading, chatting, and what not, I put on make-up, starting doing some quiet vocal things to get warmed up and got ready to audition!!! After a bit, the moderator announced that the team wanted to make sure they were able to hear everyone that day, so the audition was being cut to only 8 bars. I grabbed my music and mentally got ready to start at the climax of a phrase, bring it to the end, and make it actually mean something!
A little after 4, the guy announced that numbers 200-210 could line up outside the room. I was about to audition. In NYC. For a casting team of a real production. Seriously?!?! I'M doing this???
I went in and was greeted with very cheery smiles. After a long day like they must have had, I'm very impressed and grateful. Before I sang, the woman wanted to let me know that in my haste, I had stapled my resume and head shot backwards....of course I did! HaHaHa! She didn't seem to care; in fact, I'm sure it was incredibly amusing. I sang my 8 bars of "I can cook, too", thanked them, and walked out more elated that I could have ever imagined. I had just done something I never thought I could ever do! It was amazing and thrilling!!!!
I went and changed and then practically ran out of the studio and danced down the street! I headed over the Gershwin to see if I could get into the lottery for Wicked tickets, but I was about 20 minutes too late. So, without nothing else to do, I went back to Penn Station and got a train home. I was back in time for bible study at 8. Still smiley. Still giddy. Still amazed at what I'd just done. The sky is the limit!!!
I left for NYC around 5 and was back around 7:30. 14 and a half hours of pure joy. Getting a role wasn't ever the goal. I wanted to first prove to myself that I could even attempt the impossible. Me, a music education major who always plays piano and colors in the lines, auditioned in New York for a major casting and production team. It's literally a dream in the making. And I'll tell you one thing...I'm doing it again!
Showing posts with label singing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label singing. Show all posts
Friday, April 22, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Piano makes me a little nuts. Chapter 1.
Performance class and I have a love-hate relationship. In theory, it's awesome. Who doesn't want the opportunity to say "Pay attention to me and what I can do!" (or rather, you must sit here and listen to me because you can't leave until 4:20 pm...bwahaha) On the other hand, I hate that always looming possibility of near catastrophe, similar to a bomb going off, leading to the ultimate destruction of music as we know it!!! Okay. That last bit might have been an exaggeration, but you get the point! I really don't mind playing in front of people. It's just that I am a perfectionist and can't stand to present anything but the best performance ever. Period.
Rewind to about a week ago. Up until this point, I am as cool as a cucumber. I'm confident, and I feel very solid in the piece. I've played it in studio class nearly flawlessly. I'm totally ready. And then, the inevitable happens. As much as I'd like to pretend it doesn't, the following always happens: I stage a bit of a nutty.
Those of you who haven't had the honor of being my teacher, close friend, or parent around the time of a solo piano performance, count yourselves incredibly lucky. I get very worked up at every practice and lesson, absolutely terrified that I'll keep making the little mistakes. Unfortunately for those around me, this comes out as either rude, annoying, insane, depressed, crying, irrational, or all of the above. Once I start worrying about that, the little mistakes turn into even bigger mistakes. This keeps going until I swear it sounds as if I've been sight reading the sonata!
Usually, about a day or so before the actual performance, everything goes back to normal. I've completely torn apart the piece, gone back to square one, and reworked every tricky passage. I have the sense that everything will be "okay". It's a little depressing for me to think that something will be "okay". I expect perfection! When that doesn't happen (and let's face it, it's nearly impossible) I get a little......uhh, a lot......bummed.
Until now.
Pre-performance class was the same. Everything was right in line...I went nuts, cried, thought I couldn't play the piano ever again....the whole sha-bang. The performance itself was definitely not perfect. According to my teacher it was the fastest on record, which was a reflection on the speed of my heart-rate. I messed a few measures, and had to restart a scalar passage. I was pretty well annoyed with myself. Accepting any praise was difficult, because I saw it as "pity-praise". You know what I'm talking about; the sense that someone is congratulating you only to make them seem polite. Then, about an hour later, I did what no post-performance person is ever meant to do: I immediately watched the video.
Yes, the mistakes were there. It isn't like they didn't occur, or were hidden in some way. But there was also incredible musicality and purpose in my playing. Some passages were the best I'd ever played! Then I realized, if I hadn't done the performance, including those mistakes, those moments of wonder may not have occurred. How's that for a revelation?
In retrospect, it does seem a bit strange though. I've had many vocal performances, both solo and choral, and the same piano-craziness-world-is-ending-today bit doesn't happen. I think it may be because voice has never been a "serious" thing. I never felt like I was competing against anyone, because I always assumed that they were better than me to begin with. I started wondering if the same will begin to happen with voice. If it does, can someone hit me over the head with a 2X4 and bring me to some sense!?!? Any performance opportunity (audition, concert, car ride, shower....) should be viewed as an opportunity to present something beautiful, not as an opportunity to present perfection. That doesn't mean that non-beautiful things will never happen, but they won't matter as much! Mistakes inevitably will happen. In order to stop making mistakes, you have to stop making music. If you stop making music, then nothing beautiful, wonderful, awe-inspiring, joyous, or emotional will ever happen!
In other news, no I haven't been running since that last time. I need to get on a better sleep schedule. Pre- and post- Valentine's sugar is seriously messing with my internals. I'm back to reality as of today, and feeling so much better already. I also realized, now that I want to try and do more, especially marathon and performance wise, I need to act like I'm worthy of those things 24/7. Who says they want to run a marathon and then goes and puts sugary, worthless junk into their system at night and tries to run in the morning? It used to be, I wanted to be healthier to lose weight. Now, I want to be healthier so I can do everything!!! For my Type-2 brain, this makes perfect sense. If [A (having genius new plans for excitement)] + [B (eating healthier)] = [Fun life and exciting opportunities], why wouldn't I do it? (Here endeth the math lesson)
Love,
Lauren
Rewind to about a week ago. Up until this point, I am as cool as a cucumber. I'm confident, and I feel very solid in the piece. I've played it in studio class nearly flawlessly. I'm totally ready. And then, the inevitable happens. As much as I'd like to pretend it doesn't, the following always happens: I stage a bit of a nutty.
Those of you who haven't had the honor of being my teacher, close friend, or parent around the time of a solo piano performance, count yourselves incredibly lucky. I get very worked up at every practice and lesson, absolutely terrified that I'll keep making the little mistakes. Unfortunately for those around me, this comes out as either rude, annoying, insane, depressed, crying, irrational, or all of the above. Once I start worrying about that, the little mistakes turn into even bigger mistakes. This keeps going until I swear it sounds as if I've been sight reading the sonata!
Usually, about a day or so before the actual performance, everything goes back to normal. I've completely torn apart the piece, gone back to square one, and reworked every tricky passage. I have the sense that everything will be "okay". It's a little depressing for me to think that something will be "okay". I expect perfection! When that doesn't happen (and let's face it, it's nearly impossible) I get a little......uhh, a lot......bummed.
Until now.
Pre-performance class was the same. Everything was right in line...I went nuts, cried, thought I couldn't play the piano ever again....the whole sha-bang. The performance itself was definitely not perfect. According to my teacher it was the fastest on record, which was a reflection on the speed of my heart-rate. I messed a few measures, and had to restart a scalar passage. I was pretty well annoyed with myself. Accepting any praise was difficult, because I saw it as "pity-praise". You know what I'm talking about; the sense that someone is congratulating you only to make them seem polite. Then, about an hour later, I did what no post-performance person is ever meant to do: I immediately watched the video.
Yes, the mistakes were there. It isn't like they didn't occur, or were hidden in some way. But there was also incredible musicality and purpose in my playing. Some passages were the best I'd ever played! Then I realized, if I hadn't done the performance, including those mistakes, those moments of wonder may not have occurred. How's that for a revelation?
In retrospect, it does seem a bit strange though. I've had many vocal performances, both solo and choral, and the same piano-craziness-world-is-ending-today bit doesn't happen. I think it may be because voice has never been a "serious" thing. I never felt like I was competing against anyone, because I always assumed that they were better than me to begin with. I started wondering if the same will begin to happen with voice. If it does, can someone hit me over the head with a 2X4 and bring me to some sense!?!? Any performance opportunity (audition, concert, car ride, shower....) should be viewed as an opportunity to present something beautiful, not as an opportunity to present perfection. That doesn't mean that non-beautiful things will never happen, but they won't matter as much! Mistakes inevitably will happen. In order to stop making mistakes, you have to stop making music. If you stop making music, then nothing beautiful, wonderful, awe-inspiring, joyous, or emotional will ever happen!
In other news, no I haven't been running since that last time. I need to get on a better sleep schedule. Pre- and post- Valentine's sugar is seriously messing with my internals. I'm back to reality as of today, and feeling so much better already. I also realized, now that I want to try and do more, especially marathon and performance wise, I need to act like I'm worthy of those things 24/7. Who says they want to run a marathon and then goes and puts sugary, worthless junk into their system at night and tries to run in the morning? It used to be, I wanted to be healthier to lose weight. Now, I want to be healthier so I can do everything!!! For my Type-2 brain, this makes perfect sense. If [A (having genius new plans for excitement)] + [B (eating healthier)] = [Fun life and exciting opportunities], why wouldn't I do it? (Here endeth the math lesson)
Love,
Lauren
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Caution: Random mutterings ahead
Have you ever wondered what your bones look like under your skin? Seriously. I'm staring at my hands, deciding what to type on this, my inaugural blog post, and that random though passes through my brain. Who knows why.
A few weeks ago, I decided that I wanted to do more. I wanted to get "out" of the box that I had so carefully placed myself in years ago. I'm not one to "wander". If I want something, I create a plan and execute it. I've defined myself as a "music education major", which I am. I love teaching and I love music. It makes perfect sense and I swear there could not be a better profession for me.
["House" is over. Switching to "The West Wing". Who says my Saturday night isn't glamorous?]
However--- I want something else. Who knows exactly what it is? All semester I've been trying to find "something else" to do. I've always thought acting, musical theater, and singing would be wonderful to do, but always came up with excuses. There was always someone better, someone with more free time, or other things that required my attention. Why not me?? I want to run a marathon. Why not me?? I want to learn how to dance. Why not me??
This blog is my new "adventure companion" per say. I admit, I have had a muse of sorts. I've been perusing various blogs (most related to Wicked...more on that later) and came across Felicia Ricci's blog, "Unnaturally Green". [Thanks so much Felicia!] Her unique prose inspired me to chronicle my journey to whatever, although it will most likely be less glamorous and filled with more meaningless tidbits. Who knows where I'll end up?
I've been on a total of 3 auditions so far, 2 of which were for the same show but different productions. I've been to a dance audition, leading to the desire to actually learn how to dance before going on another one. I really want to get into some production and have a good time. A few things seem to counteract that: my logical perception of the constraints of my schedule, my self-doubt in regards to actual talent, and the perception that others may have. Again I say, why not me?? Aren't these all things that can be overcome?
The other day, I went running in the morning. I intended on doing a 3 mile run. That in itself was daunting. I hadn't gone that far in a few weeks. I knew I'd be sore and I knew I'd have to crawl down the street home, but nevertheless I went. So I'm going along, rocking along to the beats on my "Running" playlist. Suddenly, it dawns on me that I don't quite know where I am. I'm on this random road, the name of which I'm not familiar, just running along. Most people would grab the cell-phone tucked away in the pocket (invented for this sort of occurrence) and call a friend to look on a map and chart a route home. Not me (of course.) I kept going, knowing that I'd eventually find my way back. Of course, I did. I just followed the same road until it dumped me out somewhere familiar. Through it all, I kept running, intent on not giving up. Once I got home, I mapped the route I took. Drrrrrrrrummmmm roll--- 5 miles total, running 4 straight miles of that. 1/2 mile warm-up and 1/2 mile cool down. Apparently, I can do more than I thought. (And in about 1 hour 15 minutes.......tee hee)
Why can't I do everything that I want to?
Much love,
Lauren
A few weeks ago, I decided that I wanted to do more. I wanted to get "out" of the box that I had so carefully placed myself in years ago. I'm not one to "wander". If I want something, I create a plan and execute it. I've defined myself as a "music education major", which I am. I love teaching and I love music. It makes perfect sense and I swear there could not be a better profession for me.
["House" is over. Switching to "The West Wing". Who says my Saturday night isn't glamorous?]
However--- I want something else. Who knows exactly what it is? All semester I've been trying to find "something else" to do. I've always thought acting, musical theater, and singing would be wonderful to do, but always came up with excuses. There was always someone better, someone with more free time, or other things that required my attention. Why not me?? I want to run a marathon. Why not me?? I want to learn how to dance. Why not me??
This blog is my new "adventure companion" per say. I admit, I have had a muse of sorts. I've been perusing various blogs (most related to Wicked...more on that later) and came across Felicia Ricci's blog, "Unnaturally Green". [Thanks so much Felicia!] Her unique prose inspired me to chronicle my journey to whatever, although it will most likely be less glamorous and filled with more meaningless tidbits. Who knows where I'll end up?
I've been on a total of 3 auditions so far, 2 of which were for the same show but different productions. I've been to a dance audition, leading to the desire to actually learn how to dance before going on another one. I really want to get into some production and have a good time. A few things seem to counteract that: my logical perception of the constraints of my schedule, my self-doubt in regards to actual talent, and the perception that others may have. Again I say, why not me?? Aren't these all things that can be overcome?
The other day, I went running in the morning. I intended on doing a 3 mile run. That in itself was daunting. I hadn't gone that far in a few weeks. I knew I'd be sore and I knew I'd have to crawl down the street home, but nevertheless I went. So I'm going along, rocking along to the beats on my "Running" playlist. Suddenly, it dawns on me that I don't quite know where I am. I'm on this random road, the name of which I'm not familiar, just running along. Most people would grab the cell-phone tucked away in the pocket (invented for this sort of occurrence) and call a friend to look on a map and chart a route home. Not me (of course.) I kept going, knowing that I'd eventually find my way back. Of course, I did. I just followed the same road until it dumped me out somewhere familiar. Through it all, I kept running, intent on not giving up. Once I got home, I mapped the route I took. Drrrrrrrrummmmm roll--- 5 miles total, running 4 straight miles of that. 1/2 mile warm-up and 1/2 mile cool down. Apparently, I can do more than I thought. (And in about 1 hour 15 minutes.......tee hee)
Why can't I do everything that I want to?
Much love,
Lauren
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